Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Morning Rant

I caught a glimpse of myself in the hall mirror this morning after a glorious lie in...and I look like I'm in my thirties...big dark shadows under my skin looks like its made from traceing paper and I generally look unwell.

Which in itself is quite upsetting as I think I take relatively good care of myself. I take a multi vitamin and a cod liver oil capsule every morning. I get three balanced meals every day. I walk EVERYWHERE. I hardly ever drink, and when I do, I never get blotto...unless Im celebrating something, which is rare these days. And I dont smoke.

And yet even though I managed to sleep in til 10 (I was up til 2 this morning sending away digital prints on the internet) I am still exhausted to the point that my hands are so weak Im finding it dificult to type.

I cannot wait to be finished college. I cannot wait to be able to do my work, in my own time, my own way, with only myself to blame if things go wrong, and only myslef to thank when things go right

I dont mind working, it has never occured to me that I would be doing anything else after college. I want to work. I want to pay my parents back. And I want to have my own money, so that Im not in debt to anyone. And with a job, I will have free time, and thats when I plan to really work.

There's nothing wrong with that, and Im not planning for anything else. I like things to happen organically. I dont like planning for things that cant be planned for. I like daydreaming, but those aren't plans, their just ideas...and I have millions of those...

Unlike Kylemore, where I felt as though my heart was being riped from my chest and buried in that mountain when I left (I know, a little emo for so early in the morning...) I cannot say I feel the same, or even remotely close when I think about this being the last few weeks of college. The last few weeks of Kylemore I was a mess...the last few months of Kylemore I was a it that Im older. Or did I just not connect in the same way? I dont know what it is...Is it that Im too busy that my grey matter hasnt even registered the prospect of not being there in September?

This year has flown.

Fly away last few weeks...I cannot wait to clean my shoes of the dust of you.

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