mantua

bird placemat c/o queen jane
and my badges, before they were anywhere close to being...well...badges

I had a definite out of body experience last night. The mantua badge art festival, exposition….show.
It was most humble, more human, more real feeling then I had anticipated…thank God. The last thing I wanted to land down to was a stuffy, pristine gallery space with people sipping wine and talking about the state of the country or some rubbish…instead it was a house party…an all singing, all dancing, welcome at the door for the artists and anyone else who was there..everyone was super friendly…we were offered a place to crash the night if we didn’t want to go home…and I nearly would have stayed if I knew that was an option going down there…because it was the type of place that you don’t want to leave in a hurry…I think there is something that really attracts me to living with large groups of people…it felt very boarding school-eske…the common room with the fireplace…the big warm kitchen with the massive range and kettle…two dogs and an uber friendly cat…an owl calender in the kitchen clinched it for me…not to mention the cranes in the main common room…I wasn’t quite sure who lived there or who had just come for the party, but the atmosphere was amazing…we arrived just when the first singer was wrapping up…she sounded amazeing though…the second was a guy whos songs were stories, brilliantly orchestrated, in a very subtle eye-fluttering, mouth twitching way…I was mesmerized…he has either seen the world, or like Emily dickenson, has a fascinating imagination…I am thrilled to have had the pleasure of listening to him for the short set that he did…
From little acorns…as jane says…and the web of connectivity…the chart if you will…becomes ever clearer…I never thought that my badges would be in the same room as dominic stevens’ children…or even jane o Sullivan for that matter…what a privilage

I arrived home to have to take my clothes off the line…thanks to my brother not doing what I told him to do, as usual…then he arrived home…its strange to see him drive down the lane…hes growing up…I guess I am too…
Then we stayed up till about 3 talking, as we do…

identity

Identity

Identity is described in the dictionary as:
State of being a specified person or thing.
Individuality or personality.

Our identity is one of the most personal things about ourselves. It’s wrapped up in the clothes we wear, what music we listen to, where we were born, who we grew up with, what type of television and movies we watch, what we eat, where we shop, how well we did in school…and many other factors.
From the moment of birth, sometimes before hand, we are identified as male or female. Or vitals are taken, weight, height, blood type…
Everything is given a label-colour of eyes, hair, how many fingers, how many toes…this is our physical identity…straight out of the womb. BABY
As we grow, and develop, culture and nurtureing shapes what will become our own identity and personality. What toys we played with,(studies have shown that little girls are more prone to play with dolls then cars and vis versa for little boys…) what tv, if any we watched, the atmosphere in the house we grew up…what sort of family unit we were born into. Everything shapes us, even the smallest things can have a huge impact.
Adolescence seems to be the time when ones identity becomes paramount to just about everything else. We try to find ourselves in everything around us…we change the clothes we wear to see if we belong with certain groups of people. We listen to every type of music we can in order to find the one that speaks the most to us. Every heartbreak makes us feel as if we cant continue on…because everything is huge when your that young…
It must be different for everyone, but I think I began to understand who I am when I was 16…and 16 is the age I will always be in my mind…
I found my identity then, and have been holding onto it for dear life ever since

But is it really important?

I have watched people change their fundamental identity over the course of a summer…from black to multicolour. From gothic music to dance.
Are these people chameleons. Or do they not know who they really are?
Or is everyone on this earth susceptible to the same.
Could I wake up tomorrow morning and decide that from now on I am only going to wear mens suits?

I believe that our identity is the most important thing about us, because it includes everything that we have ever been through. Everything that we will ever go through. Our identity is our calling card, it is a walking advertisemant-if you like what you see then I mite like you, but if you don’t, stay away, I don’t want to know you.
That can be good and bad
Ill write about that later

Our identity is our individuality
Its what makes us different from everyone else
It means that I am exclusive, and so are you
It is our own name
And all the talents we have
It is our ideology, based on our life experiences
All our traits
Identity is you, it is what makes you who you are and what makes me what I am.

So much in such a little word. So much work. So much to think about.
What is my identity…how would I describe myself to a friend, to a stranger?
Would their first impression of me change based on what I tell them…would a close friend still reguard me as a close friend knowing that description…?

Identity…hmm…

for you my heart

i had trouble sleeping last night...i was so awake. i think i went to bed at around 4 but couldnt even bare shutting my eyes.
this morning i woke up early to see a familiar light. though the cracks of the blinds, this pale light was creeping in. it was the same light that i saw in the summers in the states. that pale, nearly yellow light that always means that its going to be so hot you wont be able to breathe at around noon, and that there are thunder showers on the way. the most amazeing feeling swept over me, something i havent felt for the place in a long time
longing.
i swore the last time that i would never go back again, but i think its time. maybe the summer after next ill be ready to give it another go, but for now i will just be a little 'home' sick for the warmth, the light and the storms